a lot of ~feminist~ analyses seem to go for a “but it’s not like that for men!!!!” and like… end there, without interrogating why things are different, which i think is what leads to the really weird “just stop doing the thing! be strong!” school of feminism. like that commercial that’s like “women, stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault! men don’t do that! just stop and everything will be better!” but like. there’s. a reason women over-apologizing is a thing and it’s because actions have different consequences for different people and you haven’t solved that at all by trying to eliminate the difference in actions. a lot of the symptoms of “double standards” (which isn’t a phrase i like at all for like, at least twelve reasons) are just that—they’re symptoms, they’re coping mechanisms. don’t make people feel bad about the way they try to navigate an unfair world while doing literally nothing to make that world better.